Is it really almost over?

I mean, my vacation, is it really almost over? A 1,5 month ago, at its glorious beginning - having decided not to travel anywhere for reasons of advancing age that forces me to start saving for the rainy day and that dreaded winter of life - I thought I'd have all the time in the world to clean my dusty office, organise files, drawers, cabinets. On the home front the plan was to have my house wallpapered and spruced up from top to bottom; kitchen cupboards were to be lined with paper, photographs were to be scanned, saved on a disk, put into albums; long overdue letters were to be written; long-neglected friends were to be contacted; I was to study Korean one hour a day, exercise more than an hour a day and become a self-educated and self-sufficient pilates and yoga guru; I was to approach the level of IT proficiency equal or similar to Bill Gate's....

I gotta stop 'cause just listing things that were to be done and are, alas, still pending makes me feel like the sloppiest, most disorganized, time-wasting dudette that's ever seen the light of the day. Why am I such a slop and scatterbrain?

When it comes to theories of how to reach goals and accomplish what one wants to accomplish, there are two schools of thought: one that says you gotta be realistic, and the other that says you have to aim high if you want to get anywhere. Both approaches have their pros and cons, I guess it all depends on a type of person you are and also on a situation you find yourself in.

A while ago, over beer at an Irish Pub in Daehangno, I was talking to Clare and Jiwon about New Year's resolutions. Clare seems to belong to the first school of thought: be realistic and have your goals reasonable and manageable. My vacation plan disaster should prove her right. I wanted to accomplish too many things and I ended up with -to put it gently - meagre results. On the other hand, last year, following the "do or die and aim high" approach I set a goal to lose 20 kgs in 6 months. I made my own personal plan I religiously stuck to and lost 21 kgs in less than 4 months. Three years ago I also stopped smoking cold turkey, following the same 'harsh' strategy. It's to be concluded that "must do it or else" attitude works for me, and it does but, alas, not always. Many times in spite of swearing, promising, resolving, deciding, I stay on track for about 3-4 days, but then my determination fades away, and I fall back to my old vile ways.

On the other hand, a few years ago I was quite successful with a gentler approach, I was all about "skill over will" - gradual accomplishment of big things by chopping them into small manageable pieces. It worked: I had lost 17 kg over a two-year period and I had cut down on smoking, even becoming a non-smoker for months on end [but always going back to it 'full time' ]. What is it then?

Why do I - and I am sure many other people- seem not to be boxable into either of the categories? Experience has shown that I am neither a skill over will nor a do or die kind of a gal, but that I am both at the same time. There's only one answer: the power of the situation. A few years ago my circumstances were much different from today's. I was younger, I felt I had all the time in the world to become healhty, fit, a non-smoker, succssful, loved... Now, I feel like time's really flying. Now's the time to set high goals and work hard to accomplish them. I just have to remind myself that people get tired and that they need an ocassional breather. I think that's exactly what happened during my vacation - I actually dared to take a vacation.

Simply put, I was tired: my job exhasted me, personal problems left me frazzled, friends on ocassion let me down... I really needed a vacation. Going out 'n' shooting breeze, playing a tourist in Seoul, watching Sex and the City reruns, reading what I wanted to read, sleeping in had much more appeal than cleaning house and organizing drawers.

So, I forgive myself [they say that greatness of people is measured by their capacity to forgive - so there you go]. After all, all is not all that bad. I did spend some time studying Korean and scribbling Chinese characters; I did exercise a little [actuallly walked a lot in my aforementioned tourist role], I did attempt and sometimes even successfully twisted myself into a veritable zoo of yoga camels, locusts, cobras, dogs, cats; I did clean my house - perhaps not as thoroughly as I planned to,, but it smells fresh and looks really homey - I even bought a few silky cushion covers that add a splash of Koreana to my digs; I did start my "let's get better at things digital and electronic" crusade [the proof is in this blog, ain't it?]. I aimed high and although I didnt' get anywhere nigh, boy, did I ever enjoy the slow ride. Just puttering around recharged and readied me for going back to my demanding and sometimes downright exhausting job.
I still have about two weeks of bumming around. Then I'll work hard for a few months until the next vacation for which I already have some plans - and they are grand, as always.