Goodbye to a friend

When I had heard about Jesse’s passing away, I lit a beautiful tall green candle to illuminate his soul’s journey to that good place to which all good people are heading. The candle reminded me of Jesse: green for his love of hiking in the mountains; tall and beautiful like he was. The candlelight was going strong for almost a week, and finally this morning it drowned in the pool of wax, shattering the candle holder in dozens of peaces. I suppose the rackett was telling me that it was time to let go and say a final goodbye. For a week, whenever I had a moment, I’d look at the the candle remembering Jesse and praying for him.


He was my oldest friend in Korea. Our friendship dates back to more than four years ago when we met in a Seoul suburb at a pub frequented by foreigners, mostly English teachers. We created a tight circle of newbies in Korea, all wide-eyed and bushy-tailed, ready for an ‘Asian adventure.’ Although there was quite an age difference between Jesse and me, that did not stop us from becoming friends. I was drawn to his quiet yet hilarious sense of humour, his youth and gentleness, and he to my ‘wiseer, older sister’ qualities. It didn’t hurt that he was very easy on the eyes - proper eye candy, if you will. Girls liked him, but guys did, too, for in spite of his mild demeanour, he was a true men’s man, athletic and a walking encyclopedia of sports stats.

Our early days in Korea were no picnic, so we all stuck together and supported one another through thick and thin organizing ourselves in such a way so that there was always something to look forward to at the end of a hard day: Tuesdays bowling, Wednesday dinner at a Mexican restaurant and beer at a pub called Goose Goose in Incheon, Thursdays darts and drinks at Gecko’s Terrace, a very popular foreigners’ joint in Seoul, Saturdays hiking, and Sundays Language Exchange and Friendship club. Jesse was very happy in Incheon and often said “those were the days.”

After about a year, I got a university job in Seoul, and Jesse started working at a prestigious private English school. Our lives got very busy, and we couldn’t see as much of each other as we wanted to. Still, we remained in contact, every so often talking on the phone, catching up over dinner and drinks, going on a few hikes together, or attending the same parties. Jesse was the most loyal friend anyone could wish for. I admit that he called me more often than I did him. It was not for the lack of affection, though. I suppose the age difference was starting to show: Jesse was a young jock who worked hard and played hard. I, on the other hand, reaching the wrong side of the 30's, was more and more into a quiter kind of fun with my more mature and sophisticated friends. Had I only known what was to come...

Last time we met was in June 2006, just before my summer vacation. Over Mexican food, many margaritas and many good laughs we promised to see more of each other in the future. Alas, I spent all of my vacation, nearly 2 months, in Canada, and when I came back I got very busy. Jesse called me a couple of months ago and we talked for more than an hour about this and that. We also made plans to meet on the Thursday following the conversation, but he stood me up. I was a bit cross with him and didn't want to contact him, waiting for a phone call and an explanation.


A couple of weeks ago, there was an opening at my university and I, no longer cross, immediately thought of Jesse. I contacted him, and he was more than happy to come for an interview. The hiring committee was very impressed by his resume and he was their number one choice. He was scheduled for an interview on Tuesday Nov. 28th ,and more or less it was a done deal. I know that he would have charmed them in person and would have gotten the job. Had he lived, he would have been Prof. D. and we would have enjoyed our swanky 8th floor offices and the view of the city and Bukhansan, Seoul’s highest mountain and the last mountain Jesse hiked on, on October 13th. Had he lived…

He sounded very upbeat as we talked on the phone for the last time on Tuesday, November 21st. I heard all about his newly acquired blonde hair, his 3-months old non-smoking lifestyle, his serious training for the marathon, plans for a housewarming party. The prospect of working for a university in the center of Seoul really excited him, and he said he’d be buying me dinner for a month if things worked out. I laughed and said that one would do, as long as he ordered the most expensive wine. He also told me that he’d always thought the world of me. I am very grateful for this memory, and I am glad that I didn’t laugh off the compliment but instead thanked him and reciprocated by saying, “Likewise, Jesse, likewise.”

I find it difficult to believe that he’s no longer present in our physical world. One of his closest friends from our early days in Korea said in a recent email to me: “The world is not the same without Jesse.” I couldn’t agree more. We are all diminished by his passing, and everyone will miss him tremendously, be they former coworkers or friends from the clubs he belonged to. I personally will miss my dear friend and a good guy, the Gentle Giant Jesse ,more than I can express in this little tribute. Although he is no longer with us, we’ll keep his memory alive and cherish it forever in our hearts.

Jesse, I hope you've found the peace you'd been always looking for, and for your sake and the sake of all whom I lost I wish to believe the following to be true: Death is not extinguishing the light; it is putting out the lamp because the dawn has come.
(Rabindranath Tagore)